Graceful Parenting in Austin

The inside jacket for “A Thousand Splendid Suns” (Khaled Hosseini) says the book is “a breathtaking story set against the volatile events of Afghanistan’s last thirty years - from the Soviet invasion to the reign of the Taliban to post-Taliban rebuilding - that puts the violence, fear, hope and faith of this country in intimate, human terms.” The fictional story in the historical setting follows two women from young girls into motherhood.

It’s definitely not a children’s book. The violence in so many different forms can cause nightmares for adults and children alike. It isn’t a book about parenting either. There are no tips on getting your baby to sleep through the night or teaching your infant sign language, while the food had run out and the bombs explode next door. The book is about Mothers, though. Two powerful and strong Mothers whose story kept me up at night (well, I was already up, but it kept me reading while I nursed, sometimes staying up longer to finish a chapter) and touched my heart.

I’m reviewing this book in a parenting blog because when Baby Girl was done nursing and I finished the chapter, I would feel so much love for her. I would hold her tight for a long time before putting her back in her crib. I’m so grateful to live in a time and in a country when we are so safe and secure. I don’t worry about providing food or bombs exploding or the government changing hands. I don’t worry about Baby Girl and Noel having no rights against an abusive husband or gender-biased legal system. I don’t have to make impossible choices and sacrifices for her to have a good life.

I think of the Moms and Dads in Afghanistan, Iraq, Darfur and other places who don’t live with safety and security. I can read this book and feel the fear and pain, but I don’t have a real understanding of what that must feel like. I want to go to Afghanistan and help the women there to learn a trade or manage the legal system or escape an abusive husband. Then I think again, and I might want to help the men more. To find a different way.

Then I went through the typical, naive, American response to browse the Internet to find a way I can send money so I can feel less guilty about how much I have and how little others have. Is that self-indulgent? Is it more about relieving my guilt than helping someone else? Is it silly to think that whatever little I could do could really help? Is it the most self-indulgent of all to do nothing? Should I send money every time I read a book? What if I start reading books about people with more money than me? Can I send them a bill?

Our family has talked about this before. Maybe we don’t need to send money or volunteer for each cause that we read about. But, overall, while we are doing pretty well, we should have some of our time and money going to others in need. We have had a hard year with a difficult pregnancy and a brand new baby and we are pretty self-involved right now. But this book is a reminder. If I have time to write this blog, I have time to help some one else. And maybe it is time for our family to bring this back into our life.