Parenting Philosophy: Parenting beyond 1968


I got my Newsweek in the mail a few weeks ago and the cover said 1968 with pictures of Robert Kennedy, Nixon and Martin Luther King and I thought, oh my, why are we still talking about this? We might as well buy music by the Eagles or Led Zeppelin. Can we get those on 8-track? Not that all of these people weren’t talented and important and not that they didn’t have an impact on our politics and culture, it is just that this is 2007, so why can’t we move on?

But the article in Newsweek made sense. It said that we are stuck in the sixties because so many of us define ourselves as for or against that decade. This can be seen in our politics, with the red states representing order and discipline and the blue states preferring individual freedom. And then I realized, this divide can be found in the parenting books too.

Oh, no, parenting books. This is another question, why are there so many parenting books? Well, parenting is pretty hard and I look for the balance between trusting my instincts and learning new things, and so I’ll spend some of my time reading the books. There are two that I hear about, think about and talk about pretty often and while they seem very different on the surface, they also have some things in common, beginning with my belief that they are both firmly rooted in 1968.

The first book is “On Becoming Baby Wise” (Gary Ezzo, Robert Dr Bucknam). This book is the Dad in 1968, the one with the sensible job and traditional family. He thought the political protests and hippie culture were self-indulgent and damaging to the country and he was relieved when order and stability returned. Click here for a book review.

The second book is “The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two (Revised and Updated Edition)” (William Sears, Martha Sears, Robert Sears, James Sears). This book is the teenage son of the Dad in 1968, the one with the long hair and pot in his pocket. He thought the political protests and hippie culture were powerful and they made a real difference. He is still looking for ways to make love, not war. Click here for a book review.

But if we can get past 1968, and see the world beyond that lens, where could we end up? Is there an approach that might take some of the Dad and some of the son and come up with something new? I’m searching for this balance, stick around to see what I find…

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Comment Number:
1
Written by:
Alexis
Posted on:
December 3, 2007 at 11:36 am

I am so glad you brought this issue up about the parenting books. I read so many different books and websites when my son was first born that I made myself a nutcase trying to take it all in and implement it all (even though much of it conflicted!) It seems to me, now that I’m 9 months into this parenting adventure, that the best thing to do for your baby is to just do what seems best for your baby. Consider the options that are presented, but make the final decision yourself based on what works for you and your family.

Comment Number:
2
Written by:
Amy
Posted on:
December 4, 2007 at 9:05 am

Ooh, I love the baby book debate! I was also mesmerized by the Dr. Sears “attachment parenting”, and desparately wanted to co-sleep with my first-born. How warm, how cozy, how perfectly “mommy.” The only problem was, no sleeping was actually taking place. It was only after weeks of severe sleep deprivation topped off with a great big dollop of guilt that I finally admitted defeat and put my son in a crib. I was crushed; I had failed as a mom.
It wasn’t until a few days later that I caught myself cooing to my baby, playing piggies with his toes, eliciting gurgly smiles… and it suddenly dawned on me; hey, with a few hours sleep, I’m not too shabby at this mommy thing!
I don’t mind books that give you ideas, different solutions other parents have come up with to common problems. (I think “The No-Cry Sleep Solution” book is a good example of this.) It’s the guilt that authors like Dr. Sears dole out that causes the real problem. If you think his baby book is bad, you should see his “Discipline” book. It basically tells you that if you’d done your “attachment parenting” correctly, you wouldn’t be having these discipline problems now, but if you do what he tells you to do, it might not be too late. It’s so frustrating, because I think there are actually some good ideas in his books, but the guilt you have to wade through completely overshadows the entire thing.

Comment Number:
3
Written by:
Beth Stevenson
Posted on:
February 15, 2008 at 8:08 pm

One of the greatest gifts we have as humans is the ability to choose to be kind to one another. A smile at a stranger could be the one positive interaction that the stranger needs to turn a so-so day into a great day. We should all try to uplift each other as we interact each day. I have tried to teach my children to consider other’s feelings before taking an action.

Comment Number:
4
Written by:
Parenting Articles
Posted on:
May 6, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Parenting is one of the very hot topics today. Parenting cannot be just left behind the scene. Having a good parenting is challenge to every parents that needs to be accomplished. Upbringing children to a better individual is a tough work that is why lots of parenting books are popping out like mushrooms.

-Jan