Graceful Parenting in Austin

A good friend of mine, just thirty-four years old, tore an artery leading to her brain while flying on a trapeze…

Technorati Tags: graceful parenting, gratefullness, parenting, parenting philosophy, cartoid dissection, stroke, thankfulness

She is all right now, at home, getting caught up with the bills and laundry and best of all, enjoying time with her husband and young daughter.

She had a cartoid artery dissection, which is rare for someone her age. It is usually diagnosed by an autopsy, because the tear in the artery clots, causing a stroke, and young people are less able to survive a stroke.
She was taking a trapeze class at retreat center with her family over the Thanksgiving weekend. She didn’t fall or hurt her head, but when she came down from the ropes, she had a headache and was seeing things funny. She didn’t suspect anything was really wrong, she thought she had a migraine.

But on Monday, she still had the same migraine. She called all of the neurologists in her insurance book, but none had an appointment available, so she went to a clinic. They said she just had a migraine that was lasting a really long time, they gave her a prescription, and her headache felt much better.

Later, one of the neurologists she had called, out of all the neurologists she had called, called her back. My friend said she didn’t need an appointment anymore, because her headache was getting better. But the woman on the phone was persistent and strongly encouraged my friend to come in anyway.

The neurologist had an MRI done and felt like something was wrong, so sent my friend to the hospital for another test. They said the results were fine and sent her home. The next day, the neurologist asked her to go to the hospital again and have a second doctor read the test results. This doctor found the cause of the headaches and determined that she was likely to have a stroke. This time she was admitted to the hospital.

They caught it in time. Blood thinners kept pieces of the clot from breaking off. The brain’s natural recovery mechanism re-routed blood to the part of the brain on the other side of the clot. She isn’t likely to have a stroke anymore. She learned that this is a pretty random occurrence, it could have happened in a traumatic car wreck or by turning her head just the wrong way to look behind her. (The local retreat center followed all safety guidelines, the injury was not their fault.)

It was strange, because not too long ago, I was reading an article in the Austin American-Statesman about how strokes are becoming more common for younger people. I told my friends who I was sharing breakfast with about the symptoms of a stroke - sudden numbness, confusion, trouble speaking or understanding, vision problems, dizziness or a severe headache with no known cause. I pointed out a dilemma, that if you can’t understand well because you are having a stroke, you aren’t likely to remember or understand the symptoms of a stroke. So, we should all look out for each other, because we are all getting older.
I was mostly kidding. Surely we were too young for something like this.

It all got me thinking about this age, in our later 30s (well, OK, I did turn 40 this year), when my friends and I have young kids. Before you have kids, it feels like you are the young ones, full of hope and promise, with all of your life in front of you. Then, after your last child has been born, you are on the other side of the continuum, with so many of your options already decided, living the second half of your life. And that’s when things start to happen, when it isn’t so unusual for a friend to be in the hospital and maybe it is a matter of time before you suffer a profound loss.

At the women’s retreat I went to about a month ago, a young mother was expressing her worry that something bad might happen to her husband or her family. An elderly woman responded by saying, yes, something will happen, you will know loss. But, you are stronger than you know and you will be all right.

My family knew loss this year when we lost Grace. And we are going to be all right. And I’m happy to be at this time in my life, when I’m a little older and a little wiser. less worried and more grateful.

Speaking of being grateful, I’m so grateful for Dr. George Petroff, the neurologist who saved my friend’s life by being so persistent. I wrote him a thank you card today. Just a simple card, the same as I write for a birthday present or gift for the kids, which seems strange, but it is all I know how to do. I said thanks for something so amazing as me talking to my friend today and hearing her stories about catching up with the mail and the laundry.