Graceful Parenting in Austin

Blue Eyes, Noel and I were at the Avis counter renting a minivan for our Christmas drive to Memphis when we heard a loud thud. I turned around and saw Baby Girl’s car seat on the floor next to a chair, top side down. My mind raced, with visions of how hurt she could be under there, not pictures with details, just an awful, terrifying feeling that something was really wrong…

Technorati Tags: child safety, christmas, faith, graceful parenting, gratefullness, holidays, parenting, parenting philosophy, thankfulness, thanksgiving

(Baby Girl is perfectly fine. For my friends and family who read this blog, I have to do what a writer should never do, which is give away the ending at the beginning, because it would be mean to build suspense about a baby in danger when that baby is real. So know that Baby Girl is fine.)

Blue Eyes and I were at the car seat in an instant. I turned the car seat over and Baby Girl really, really started to scream. I unbuckled her and picked her up and held her and held her and held her as much as I could. She cried and cried and cried and wouldn’t stop.

Blue Eyes called the pediatrician and they said Baby Girl was probably fine, she hadn’t passed out or thrown up and crying was a good sign. But, to be sure, we should go to the E.R. and get a CT scan. While he was on the phone, Baby Girl had started to breast feed, alternating with crying - a little eating, a little crying, a little eating and more crying.

I put Baby Girl in her car seat and sat next to her in the back while Blue Eyes drove to the E.R. Baby Girl was getting tired now, from all of the crying and from eating and Sean said not to let her fall asleep since she has a head injury, but now Baby Girl was asleep and wouldn’t wake up.

I unbuckled her car seat and stood her up on my lap while Blue Eyes kept driving, faster than usual. She was limp in my arms and her eyes wouldn’t open. I talked to her and bounced her on my knees. Was she just really tired or was something really wrong? Why was she limp? Why wouldn’t she open her eyes?

Blue Eyes got to the Dell Children’s Hospital, but missed the sign for the Emergency Room. I told him he missed it, trying not to sound really mad, because I wasn’t mad, I was just scared. He turned around, I said ‘here, take a left here!’ He turned, then couldn’t find the entrance, maybe he was looking too hard for it, because he couldn’t find it. ‘Turn left again!! Turn left!’ I said, pretty loud.

He pulled up to the emergency room door and I jumped out of the car with Baby Girl. I ran to the front desk and said “My baby fell and hit her head! She hit her head!”

They were so calm, they see this every day, literally every day and all day long, this and things much worse than this.

During the sprint to the front desk, Baby Girl had woken up and was alert. She wasn’t crying. She seemed to wonder what the fuss was all about. About four and a half hours later, we learned that Baby Girl was fine, the CT scan was normal, she could ride in the car to Memphis, no special instructions, no worries.

Back in the Avis office, Blue Eyes had set the car seat on a chair before he went to the counter. Then Noel had leaned over to kiss Baby Girl. Blue Eyes thought the car seat was stable, but it wasn’t.

Blue Eyes and I have different thresholds for safety. Sometimes we have different boundaries, like when he lets Noel ride in the front passenger seat when he drives and I have her ride in back when I drive. But with a new baby there are so many new questions. Is a blanket in the crib OK? What about falling asleep in the easy chair with Baby Girl in your arms? What about setting the car seat or the bumpo on the table or chair?

I remember safety classes I took when I was a programmer at Dow Chemical. They taught one idea that really stuck with me. They said that an accident isn’t usually caused by one big mistake, but by a series of small mistakes. There isn’t one guy that goes nuts and does something completely ridiculous, it is one guy that is tired at work and another that has sloppy handwriting and a third that was absent during and important training session.The best way to avoid a big accident is to minimize the individual, small mistakes.

I think the same idea applies with kids. Putting the car seat on a chair may not be a big problem, but on the day when you misjudge the type of chair and then maybe it gets bumped, it could be one of those small mistakes that leads to an accident. So, general ideas like keeping things that might tip over on the floor eliminates one of the small-mistake-kind-of-variables.

I hadn’t found the balance with Blue Eyes about these things yet. I want to be thoughtful and careful to not go nuts with safety, I want to be Safe Enough, without creating anxiety and stress that has its own cost. But I had been meaning to talk to Blue Eyes about a few things, about a quilt in the crib now and then or putting the Sophia in the bumbo on the couch next to him. Then there are also ideas about getting Baby Girl on a schedule, which is going all right, but I need his help to put her to bed at certain times instead of letting her fall asleep on her own and avoiding things that usually put her to sleep when it is a better time for her to be awake.

But holy cow, maybe I should write an instruction manual and I don’t want our parenting to feel like a list of instructions. And getting ready for our own Austin Christmas that morning and the trip to Memphis in the afternoon, we had been so busy, we hadn’t talked about it all. Then Blue Eyes put the car seat on a chair and she fell.

When we were in the waiting room, after we had seen a nurse, the urgency had passed and we were all more calm, I asked Blue Eyes if we could always keep the car seat and the bumpo on the floor. He said all right. He told me and Sophia he was sorry.

(When I was writing this post and looking for a link for the bumpo, I round a story about a recall for the bumpo. When the bumpo is on an elevated surface, the baby can arch her back, releasing from the bumpo and falling to the floor. So, bumpos definitely go on the floor.)

The total time with the doctor was about six minutes, but there was a lot of waiting. There was waiting to see the nurse for the initial check, waiting to get a room, waiting for the doctor, waiting for the CT technician, waiting for the CT results and waiting for the doctor again. We went through several feedings and diaper changes. Then we knew everything was fine and we had to wait for the final paperwork.

We made it to Memphis, leaving about 5 PM, driving all the way through and arriving at 5 AM. Noel and Baby Girl slept a lot of the way and we split the driving three ways (Blue Eyes, his sister and me). Baby Girl is doing great today, eating and sleeping like a champ and charming her Grandparents with her smiles and giggles.

There is something about parenting that is unique. It is knowing that you can never make the world perfectly safe, that something can still happen, and you make trips for Christmas and love your kids as much as you can anyway. There is a faith in that, in doing what you can and letting go of the rest. Blue Eyes and I share this faith and we bring it with us to Memphis and to Christmas and to whatever comes next.