Dad Rocks
Baby Girl has this new thing she does which isn’t fun for either one of us, she poops all day long, just a little at a time, all different consistencies and colors. She has been on antibiotics, which have killed bad bacteria in her ears and have also killed good bacteria in her intestines that regulate the whole pooping business. It is sad because no matter how often I change her diaper, it isn’t often enough and her poor little butt is so red and sore. Baby Girl usually coos and giggles and talks when her diaper is changed, but now she screams and cries. Then, Dad came to the rescue…
I was finished changing her diaper, but Baby Girl was still so mad that she kept screaming and crying. I held her and rocked her and talked to her. Blue Eyes held her for a while. Then I tried to breast feed her. (You might remember from an earlier post that I don’t like to breast feed for comfort, and I don’t for regular fussy things, but when she is screaming and nothing else works, then off comes my shirt.) She fed for a few minutes, then stopped and started crying again.
Blue Eyes took her again and I sat back in my chair. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths. After a few minutes, I noticed Baby Girl’s sounds changed. It was a mix between a cry and a laugh. Then it was more of a laugh all together. Then she and her Dad were talking and cooing and giggling back and forth. I wouldn’t have thought of this, but Blue Eyes just started to play with her. I had been so seriously comforting, while he distracted her with his fun and games and it totally worked. Dad Rocks!
I’ve seen it and heard it and read it on the Mom email lists, a general, underlying assumption that Moms are more in touch with their kids than the Dads. But I think this assumption is less true than we think. I also think it is in transition and may seem old-fashioned and sexist by the time our kids have kids. I wrote about an article in an earlier post that made the argument that Dad’s parenting styles are different, but no less important, effective or loving than Mom’s. Some of the comments said the different parenting styles may depend on who is the primary care giver (if there is one), more than gender.
I read a book ages ago, “Fruitful: A Real Mother” (Anne Roiphe), in which a woman told her story of being a mother and how it changed her idea of feminism. She felt that where wouldn’t be real equality for women, where men fully respect and accept women in different roles, until women fully respected and accepted men as care givers of the children.
When a baby cries and needs to be comforted, does Mom assume she can do a better job and take the baby from Dad’s arms? I don’t want to do that. I feel a natural tendency to be the expert and I feel like I know more since I am home with Baby Girl all day. And I do more, because of breast feeding and knowing Baby Girl’s (sort-of) schedule. But Blue Eyes notices different things and tries different things and I need to give him the trust and the space to be all of the things he wants to be for Baby Girl.
