Comments on: Something Else To Screw Up http://www.gracefulparenting.net/2008/01/18/something-else-to-screw-up/ Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:39:26 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5.1 By: Augie Garrido on Parenting (well, sort of) | Graceful Parenting in Austin http://www.gracefulparenting.net/2008/01/18/something-else-to-screw-up/#comment-194 Augie Garrido on Parenting (well, sort of) | Graceful Parenting in Austin Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:10:54 +0000 http://gracefulparenting.nfshost.com/2008/01/18/something-else-to-screw-up/#comment-194 [...] Blue Eyes and I have struggled with how to teach Noel about success. Is it all about competition where there are winners and losers and she’d better end up on top? Should she be hard on herself when she fails, as the price to pay for more success? Instead of success and failure itself, we focus on her being engaged and active in her learning and choices and making her best effort. The effort is what is important. (We haven’t been doing this for very long, we first thought about it here.) [...] [...] Blue Eyes and I have struggled with how to teach Noel about success. Is it all about competition where there are winners and losers and she’d better end up on top? Should she be hard on herself when she fails, as the price to pay for more success? Instead of success and failure itself, we focus on her being engaged and active in her learning and choices and making her best effort. The effort is what is important. (We haven’t been doing this for very long, we first thought about it here.) [...]

]]> By: Jenna http://www.gracefulparenting.net/2008/01/18/something-else-to-screw-up/#comment-93 Jenna Fri, 18 Jan 2008 22:31:43 +0000 http://gracefulparenting.nfshost.com/2008/01/18/something-else-to-screw-up/#comment-93 Praising Noel is a very strong impulse for me too. But with my students I'm much better with specific praise. "I can tell you worked hard on this spelling exercise. I'm impressed with your level of effort." It means more to them than the grade (which can seem arbitrary at times). I remember being told I was smart and creative in high school. And I was never terribly motivated. But I had a great Lit prof at UT who told be that my paper was crap and I needed to come to his office and re-write it with him. How humiliating! I had always thought I was an exceptional writer. But damn if he didn't spend a couple of humbling hours with me, illuminating the holes in my arguments and the generality of my textual evidence. Totally motivating. I never wrote another crap paper after that. I crave honest feedback. To me it's a sign of respect and care. And Austen really is very, very bright. ;-) Praising Noel is a very strong impulse for me too. But with my students I’m much better with specific praise. “I can tell you worked hard on this spelling exercise. I’m impressed with your level of effort.” It means more to them than the grade (which can seem arbitrary at times).

I remember being told I was smart and creative in high school. And I was never terribly motivated. But I had a great Lit prof at UT who told be that my paper was crap and I needed to come to his office and re-write it with him. How humiliating! I had always thought I was an exceptional writer. But damn if he didn’t spend a couple of humbling hours with me, illuminating the holes in my arguments and the generality of my textual evidence. Totally motivating. I never wrote another crap paper after that.

I crave honest feedback. To me it’s a sign of respect and care.

And Austen really is very, very bright. ;-)

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