Graceful Parenting in Austin

Baby Girl and I went to visit Helen yesterday (see original Helen and Helen update). Our visits are right out of the movie Groundhog Day, when the same day happens the same over and over…

Helen doesn’t remember our names or much about us in particular and each visit is like the first. Helen loves babies and she goes on and on about how beautiful Baby Girl is and how she could be in the movies. She talks about her smile and how happy she is. She holds Baby Girl and makes sounds and faces for her. Then she’ll ask me his name, because she still thinks she is a boy. I don’t remind her that Baby Girl is a girl anymore, except when she asks what his name is, because her girly name gives it away.

I was a pretty good detective, I think. I spent a few visits gathering information, asking about her church and her family, then talking about her with the neighbors. I got Family Elder Care to call her, because they could help with cleaning the house (there is a lot of dust and dirt, there is a funny smell and her clothes aren’t clean) and to just come visit (she is so lonely). But Helen told them she doesn’t need help, that she is doing very well, as a matter of fact, she helps the older people in the neighborhood. She is very proud.

I found out she has a son in town and I got his phone number. I wanted to call him because he might be able to talk with her about getting some help. I was very nervous about the call, I didn’t want to do it, to say I’m concerned about your Mom and imply why don’t you take better care of her.

Her son was really nice. He is concerned about Helen too. She has dementia and it is getting worse. He lives in town and visits her three or four times a week. It is hard, though. He is older too and has suffered strokes and a heart attack. It isn’t easy for him to be there for her like he wants to be. He has tried to get her help through places like Family Elder Care, but, he says, Helen is very proud.

So Baby Girl and I visit once a week. Helen enjoys seeing us, but it is hard to know what to talk about. There is so much she doesn’t remember and so much that makes her confused. I always ask how her son is and she always remembers that. She loves her son very much.

Helen was playing with Baby Girl and I was looking on the walls. She has a framed certificate from Texas Governor Clements declaring that Helen is a Yellow Rose of Texas. I asked her about that and she remembered every last detail.

She worked for the Lutheran churches for many years and someone there submitted her name for a Yellow Rose of Texas Award. (This was the women’s version of The Admirals in the Texas Navy award, an honorary title given for special achievement in government or athletics.) She said they told her to show up at a ballroom of some kind and a man she knew met her at the door and said “We have a lot of work to do, Helen.” She went in and there were so many people. He asked her to go to the stage and Helen thought she was going to setup chairs to help with the event. Then the man went to the podium and started talking about her. Then she realized everyone was there for her. Then she had to talk to the whole crowd. She was sooo embarrassed and soooooo PROUD.

I like to visit Helen with Baby Girl. I might ask her about her Yellow Rose of Texas award again next time. She won’t remember telling me before and she’ll enjoy telling the story again.