Graceful Parenting in Austin

It feels good to consider a more spiritual view of success that is “a child’s ability to love and have compassion, the capacity to feel joy and spread it to others, the security of knowing that one’s life serves a purpose, and finally, a sense of connection to the creative power of the universe.” … I don’t know all the details about how to get there, and I’ll need to come up with my own path that is different than the book, but at least I know where I’m headed.

She wants to see live music more, but finds it hard to do, but today, or all days, she isn’t feeling social and hasn’t made it out of the house yet. He is giving her a hard time because she doesn’t have to go out far, the band is playing on her own block, underneath her neighbor’s carport, just a few houses down…. Who is hot, who is not, which bands need a wristband, which need a second wristband, which make you wait in three different lines to get in. You are playing for important people in the music industry, but for all their importance, they might also be snobby and arrogant and not that much fun anymore…. And while I’m all for the middleman because they play a big role in how music happens and I enjoyed a SXSW show the day before, it’s also nice now and then to just have a conversation between the people who make music and the people who listen…. There were no record executives or press and Diego’s Umbrella didn’t get discovered on my block, but they might have paid for the gas on the way home and everyone had a good time.And Misty made it to the party.

I said a while back, when explaining why my family watches 6,000 movies a year from NetFlix, BlockBuster and Movies on Demand, when I’d rather see music, that there isn’t a lot of infant-friendly live music around, even in Austin, the Live Music Capital of the World. And I’m sure a lot of people would say that the SXSW music conference, with its expensive wristbands, overwhelming schedule of hundreds and hundreds of bands, and late night shows in crowded bars, isn’t infant-friendly, but I’m not so sure…

Baby Girl, Noel and a few friends went to a free SXSW show yesterday, in a park near downtown on the river, under sunny skies, with a cool breeze. When I asked one of my friends if she wanted to go, she asked who was playing and I said I didn’t know. Because SXSW may be infant-friendly, but it is definitely different with a baby.

The wristband wouldn’t stay on Baby Girl’s wrist and the price doesn’t fit in our budget. So I looked for a day time show that didn’t require wristbands. It had to be outside, instead of a crowded bar. It had to be after a nap time, so she might miss one nap but not two. And by the time I had all that figured out, there were two places we could go. And then, I have to admit, I don’t see music like I used to and I didn’t know the bands playing in either place, so I just picked one.

It took forty-five minutes to get Baby Girl, Noel and myself ready. Then we had to pick a place to meet one of our friends, since she also had a baby with a car seat and a stroller that won’t all fit in my car. We decided to meet at Run-Tex, since we needed shoe inserts for Noel, so that took a while too.

We finally got to the park and it was nice.

Photo courtesy of AustinParks.org.

Austin feels like a really large, really extended family. I don’t know why, it’s not like we’ve all shared dinner together or something, but it just feels that way. Austin’s beautiful skyline was in the background and the Colorado river ran between the park and downtown. There was a good energy in the mix of families, babies, dogs, frisbees, funnel cakes and music.

We heard fusion jazz from Christian Scott…

Photo Courtesy of JazzPolice.com.

Christian Scott felt a little out of place, like he might be more at home in a bar late at night, but I loved the different landscape, without the verse-chorus, beginning-to-end-in-three-minutes structure of rock-n-roll, the different sounds moving and changing, coming and going.

We listened to hip-hop from Lyrics Born…

Photo Courtesy of CityPages.com.

Lyrics Born had a lot of energy and songs that had us dancing a little. He got the crowd going, as much as you can, playing hip-hop for a mostly white and nerdy crowd. We can’t hear the words, but my friend explains that Lyrics Born is part of the progressive hip-hop movement, with the really good beats and without the gangsta lyrics, which aren’t for me. I’d like to hear more from this guy.

We weren’t right up front, where we could have heard the music the best, we are off to the side, sitting on a blanket under the shade, so the babies can be away from the crowd and play. I listened some of the time, in between feeding Baby Girl, changing her diaper and getting food for Noel.

I wasn’t immersed in the music like I used to be, taken away to a different place. It felt more like Christian Scott’s music, with the kids, the people, the outdoors and the music all coming and going, in and out of view, all part of something bigger that has a different feel that each of the parts by themselves. It’s a nice way to spend an afternoon.

So, we’ll still see more movies than music, it is easier all round, but I won’t forget the music, because it isn’t as hard as it seems and we’ll back next year. Thanks SXSW.

Tracy Hogg was a Mom who has raised her own babies and who had spent time a great deal of time in people’s homes, with parents and their babies, helping them find solutions to difficult problems. Ahh, this is nice. I’m not saying there isn’t a lot to be learned about babies from male pediatricians (William Sears) and ministers (Gary Ezzo), but what do for a crying baby at 3am isn’t a medical question or a spiritual one. I feel more connected to the ideas and experiences of a woman who has been the one getting out of bed.

There are a lot of common themes between them all, though. I think if William Sears and Gary Ezzo hooked up and through the miracle of modern reproductive technology had a baby girl, she might be Tracy Hogg…

“Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” (Marc Weissbluth)

I reviewed Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child about a month ago and I said it was just all right. Well, hmmm, now that Baby Girl takes great naps and I can schedule lunch with my girlfriends, I would like to update that review to say, it is pretty good. Three stars our of four, if I had stars.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t take back what I said about him…

I still think he says ridiculous things that only a male pediatrician who hasn’t taken care of a baby himself would say. Like when he says don’t take a ride in the car when it isn’t near your baby’s nap time, because he might fall asleep in the car seat and not take a real nap later. Then he says don’t take a ride in the car when it is near your baby’s nap time, because he needs to fall asleep in his crib, not the car seat. And, of coarse, don’t wake your baby up to go for a ride in the car either. A Mom will tell you that this means there won’t be groceries in the house until your baby turns two.

A Mom will tell you the real story. A Mom on my Moms email list handles this by running errands when her baby has just been fed and is sleepy. Her baby stays asleep during the errand, getting a decent nap. I do it the opposite, I run errands when Baby Girl first wakes up and I carry her in a Baby Bjorn in the store, so if she does take a catnap in the car seat, it isn’t very long and she still takes her regular nap later on.

Since I wrote the original review, when Baby Girl wasn’t on a schedule yet, I made a little adjustment, feeding Baby Girl before she goes to sleep instead of when she wakes up and it all fell into place. The general times-of-day that Weissbluth recommends for naps work for Baby Girl. Doing awake-things when she wakes up and sleepy-things near her nap time works. She is more well rested and less fussy than before the schedule started to work. And since I know about when she’ll be sleeping, I’m able to plan lunch with my girlfriends again. So I feel it is only fair to revisit my original ‘it’s OK’ review and say ‘It’s pretty good. This book that really helped.’

See my Review Philosophy.

I had enough of books about babies written by men who haven’t taken care of a baby full-time, around-the-clock (Sears, Ezzo and Weissbluth). Not that there isn’t a lot that I can learn from experts who have worked with a million babies, but I find that the get authoritative and absolute in a way that a Mom (or Dad) who has really been there doesn’t. So, in my search for another perspective, I found “Mommies Who Drink: Sex, Drugs, and Other Distant Memories of an Ordinary Mom” in which Brett Paesel writes about real-life, ordinary-Mom troubles like how to do cocaine with your girlfriends and still get your toddler to pre-school the next morning…

I told Blue Eyes this weekend that he is not allowed to think I’m being ridiculous when I talk about Baby Girl’s nap schedule. I don’t usually tell him what to think, maybe because I have a strong, healthy sense of self that can handle differences of opinion or maybe because he doesn’t usually think I’m being ridiculous. But in any case, when it comes to her nap schedule, I needed him to give me the benefit of the doubt…

There is no reason for art. That is why I want it, need it and love it. Because when I make the space and take the time to just listen and watch and see what happens, I’m not being productive or efficient. I’m not accomplishing measurable goals. I’m not continuously improving my relationships. I’m not trying or planning or doing anything and it feels really good…

August Rush makes me feel like hitting myself on the head with a hammer because that would be more fun.I went to see August Rush with Blue Eyes and Noel the other day. This is a movie about a young orphan boy who believes his parents really do love him and want to be with him and he can find them by playing music they will hear.How can I be against a young orphan boy finding his parents? Well, for one thing, this really isn’t a movie, it is a really, really long music video.For another thing, the movie uses lighting and background music to develop characters…. The story requires a lot of imagination and it isn’t for mythical creatures or wild special effects, but for believing what the regular humans say and do.Was there nothing to like?When I closed my eyes and listened to the music, it wasn’t so bad…. Movies are a line item in our budget, the same as rent and groceries.So the hammer to the head isn’t about the movie so much, it is about how the movie makes me feel, it is about the BIGGER thing the movie is about, which is just how much compromise does a family need?

I review books, movies, music and random other things (called Something Else Reviews) on Graceful Parenting now and then. I don’t try to provide a professional, objective critique of the subject, with commentary about the dual plot lines of subjective angst or the “melding true-school beats with an array of instruments while conducting liturgical crooners and ghetto divas”. There are professionals out there that know how to do this better.I want to give just a hint of the flavor of the material, so you can decide if you want to read, see or hear it for yourself. I’ll focus on how it makes me feel, which usually involves telling a story, since that is more interesting that an straight-forward summary.Comments, suggestions and objections to reviews are always welcome!